1. Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
2. I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
3. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
4. Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom.
5. PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pyjamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
6. Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
7. I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.
8. This morning I saw a neighbour talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.
9. Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.
10. My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
11. Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
12. I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?
13. I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyard, I'm getting tired of Los Living room.
14. Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.
15. Day six of Homeschooling; My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.